Thoughts on Burgers

or how the current lexicon is causing E.B. White, William Strunk, William Safire and William F. Buckley, along with countless other Williams of note, to turn over in their various resting places

It’s a changing world with, apparently, a new take on burgers.  My favorite burgers are abundant with melted cheese a top medium rare prime ground beef (sadly illegal - any below medium that is - in some states like North Carolina) hugged by deliciously sweet brioche buns.  

These days, however, it seems almost anything constitutes a burger.  According to current lexicon burgers don’t even need to include protein or condiments  or buns - say what?? -  some burgers, are just plain “nothing burgers.”

Prime (without the beef of course) examples of “nothing burgers” include:

“Nothing Burger” # 1 - The Conway, Gorka, Spicer and Huckabee-Sanders

“Nothing Burger” #2 - Alternative Facts

“Nothing Burger” #3 - Fake News

“Nothing Burger” #4 - No There There

“Nothing Burger” #5 - Nothing Burger

It stands to reason that if there are “nothing burgers”, there must also be “something burgers” - right? Right.

Examples of substantive  “something burgers” include:

“Something Burger” #1 - Collusion, Delusion, Illusion, Russia

“Something Burger” # 2 - Narcissist, Ego-maniac, Pathologic, Lier, Our President

“Something Burger” #3 - Putin, Meddling, Russia

“Something Burger” #4 - Incessant, inane, impulsive,  highly inappropriate, false, dangerous, distracting mean tweets, BAD, SAD, MAD, Our President

“Something Burger” # 5 - Muslim Ban, P**##**y Grabbing, colorful showers, Our President

“Something Burger” # 6 - Bannon, Brietbart, Duck Dynasty

“Something Burger” # 7 - Flynn, Sessions, Comey, loyalty oaths (“kiss my ring” PU-LEEEZE), obstruction of justice, Our President, Russia

“Something Burger” # 8 - Recusals, Refusals, dismissals - “You’re fired”, a plethora

“Something Burger” # 9 - Donald Trump, Jr., Manafort, Kushner, Russian Government lawyer (dah), Russian American lobbyist, handsome Rob Goldstone (nyet), who else??????, meeting with Russians, quid pro quo anyone? 

“Something Burger” # 10 - Facts

“Something Burger” # 11 - News

“Something Burger” # 12 - There 

All for now - must run, my medium rare kobe beef burger with grilled vidalia onions, melted swiss cheese, shitake mushrooms, heirloom tomatoes, truffle aoili and arugula on a toasted brioche bun awaits.

The Retreat

Isabella did not bring her camera on her recent visit to Julia's beautiful lakeside retreat, it was a year round retreat for Julia and her family and, an as often as possible, usually just a once a year, retreat for Isabella. She didn't want to lug her camera  just to watch it sit while she never took a picture, so, of course, once there, when everything around her was beautiful, she wished she had brought it along.  Now,  instead of a documenting her observations on film, she captured their beauty in writing on paper with  pencil.

Isabella awoke the first morning of her visit to the lake as it glistened under a pristine sky like a million brilliant drifting jewels, it was mesmerizing, ones eyes could fix for hours upon such a scene.

The lake looked different the following morning as it did every morning.  This morning, timing and placement of the sun making a profound difference, the glistening jewels, not quite so individually brilliant, were in a wide band between two trees leaving the rest of the lake fallow.

Today, the lake looked, again, entirely different from the day before as the sky was gloomy.  It was a cool overcast morning, so Isabella's focus was drawn to the northerly movement of the water.  She chose to look at the lake through the trees preferring this slightly obstructed view. The waves were swift yet slight seeming almost alive with creatures, Isabella understood how monsters could slip by undetected in such water.

On this, her final morning of her retreat, Isabella looked at the lake and gained a greater understanding of what inspires artists to paint, especially the lumonists. The sky was dramatic with billowing chiaroscuro clouds as hills in the distance were shrouded in layers of fog.  Closer to shore, the lake was like glass,  but soon, it would have a ripple effect.  The light in the sky and its reflection on the lake changed in a mere second from soft glow to blinding bright.

HOLLINGSWORTH GREEN  SOCIETY FOR DALLIANCE

Join raven haired beauties of more than a certain age for elegant evenings under the magnolia trees. Cocktail hours are followed by titillating black tie dinners where you will feast upon Welsh Rarebit or Salisbury Steak paired with the highest quality wines; the denouement (well almost) baked Alaska or Lemon Meringue pie.  Despite the not-so-occasional occurrence of dementia, as in "who are you?" and "how did I get here?", and/or incontinence, which our discreet staff handles with utmost care, you are guaranteed in flagrante delicato in either a private or group setting.

Qualifications for exclusive membership include:

• Male
• Age 18 (no jailbait please) and above
• Hair
• Must possess most of your teeth (dentures are fine)
• Azure blue eyes preferred
• Striking fingers are to your advantage
• Wing Wang appealing in both form and function
• Pot belly resembling late stage pregnancy a plus

Membership benefits include:

• Lifetime membership
• No fees, monthly or annual dues.  Upon acceptance, membership is sponsored by a raven haired beauty.
• Cocktail hours under the magnolia trees with Perfect Manhattans, Rusty Nails, Stingers and James Bond Martinis.
• All the medicinal marijuana you can smoke
• Fine dining paired with your choice of superior wine.  We pride ourselves on being the first club of our kind to ban the box. Selections include,  but are not limited to: Blue Nun, Four Roses, Mateus, and only the finest white Zinfandel.  Manischewitz  available upon request.
• Parlor games include Backgammon, Dominos, Charades, Chinese Checkers, Trivial Pursuit, Taboo, Texas Hold em, Chess, MahJong, Bridge and Strip Poker. 
• All club functions provide ample and luxurious accommodation for extended sessions of, depending on the member's preferences, group and/or private dalliances with a bevy of beauties  of more than a certain age.

The Drive

Isabella's day trip/ more like afternoon trip was not something she looked forward to with glee. However, after her spin class that left her wet enough to look like she had just emerged from a lengthy swim, she was ready for it.

She set things up just right for the drive.  Accompanying her was a light sandwich and bag of chips which she devoured with reckless abandon.  Later when she felt a pain in her chest, she attributed it to an aching heart for her new boyfriend.

Isabella also planned the music she would listen to perfectly as she brought along her three  favorite pieces of classical music by Brahms, Dvorjak and Griegg.  Thus she was in classical music heaven and a state of melancholy as she thought of her father who introduced her to these pieces years ago.  Under the influence, Isabella  played smashing air piano or the role of conductor while listening to these favorites.

Isabella was pleased with herself for setting up the best possible environment  in her vehicle for her trip as it didn't occur to her that  a pleasant adventure was waiting for her and her wheels.

It was a magnificent crisp Fall day.  Leaves on the trees had not fully turned colors and the roadside grass was lush and emerald green.  In the abundant corn fields each stalk stood on its own.

Isabella drove past rustic barns and farm houses.  Horses grazed peacefully in their pastures.

There was no trace of modern commerce for miles and miles until the exit for gas which didn't work out well as Isabella kept pushing the wrong button.  She finally went inside to seek help and the situation was resolved without too much frustration.

The rest of the ride remained pristine until Columbus and its surrounding suburbs. Heretofore. The uppity bitch (aka her gps) had been uncharacteristically well behaved.  But true to form, the bitch could not resist messing with Isabella as she led her astray while directing her to a take a "soft right" turn on a tight loop exit ramp causing all the stuff on the passenger seat, which was a lot, to careen in her direction.

Back on track, or so she thought,  Isabella continued driving for what seemed like a long time for ub to silent,  She looked down to discover that the gps had become disconnected from its charger.  Oops, Isabella surmised the mishap occurred while she was taking that "soft right" turn on the exit ramp. Reconnected, and a after a half hour of "calculating route,"  the bitch finally had Isabella arriving at her destination as she announced "you have arrived" - which was funny only once when ub uttered it four years ago on their maiden voyage.

At her destination, Isabella apologized for her tardiness blaming it on her gps/fucking uppity bitch while of course keeping its nickname under raps.

 The purpose of Isabella's trip was to attend a work related workshop.  She behaved appropriately, brown nosing just enough to not appear obsequies.

The ride home was the pinnacle of her day.  Seamlessly with no uppity bitch upsets, Isabella made it out of Columbus without incident - a rare and good thing.  Basking in that relief and enjoying the contemporary music chosen for the ride home, Isabella was struck by the view.

The sky was extraordinarily beautiful on this late Fall afternoon.  Clouds were not billowing instead in broad bands and streaks they popped against a vibrant blue sky - it was the stuff that artists paint.

For most of the ride, the clouds sheltered the sun just enough for Isabella to look at the clouds and sky and another vision.  It was a section of a rainbow which was odd as it had not rained.  There was no arch just a cube of rainbow colors.  This vision of beauty lasted for quite a while.  Once gone, plenty of exceptional beauty was abundant with the same fields, lush grass and rustic farms Isabella passed earlier now looking dramatically different under the setting sun.

Isabella marveled at the almost evening sky with its jewel tone quality of moonstones, opals and mother of pearl.  She noticed a few other things on this return trip like the field with alpacas, goats and sheep and she was mesmerized by the clumps of almost bare trees.

Isabella wasn't bothered by the two large sign boards on the side of the road, one with the ten commandments, the other with hell fire and damnation rhetoric. She then witnessed a tremendous bonfire.  While having a near out of body experience, Isabella pondered - is this too perfect?  Will the other shoe drop? Although, the first shoe had not...

Kitty's Conquest

Mouse that was is no more

Rigored mouse body adheres to floor

Its body rising, a chore

Adventures in Teenage Driving Part Deux

So my boy is pressing me hard to drive my Smart Car (the car he previously loathed) - now he says it's fun to drive  - I say it's  a tool to pick up chicks - a notion he vehemently denies...But my thinking is the car is cute,  and cute begets cute - right?

However,  it's more of a bro thing -  at crew practice,  my son's coach and rowing mates love the tiny ride, and by association, my son.  It takes four of them to pick up the car with  maximum passengers - two.  They also, or maybe just my kid, think the puff of dust from the peel out is pretty cool too.

Now, you may wonder what I get while they have all that fun.  Well, the 2010 Toyota Corolla - a smooth ride , but in contrast to my diminutive baby,  it is a behemoth boat....At first, I am impressed with his radio thinking it must be Sirius as uber explicit rap/hip hop lyrics are completely  unfiltered, but much to my dismay I discover, no, it is a CD - a Big Sean (who in fact is quite small like my car) CD  - oh Tipper, Tipper, Tipper, Tipper, Tipper Gore - Help!

Mothers

Mother is subjective, often the subject is not the mother at all, but instead, the one acting the role of mother.  Confusing, I know, but true.  Mother is often grandmother, Aunt or sister – usually, however, grandmother is mother.  Grandmother and sometimes Great Grandmother do not take the role of mother lightly. Grandmothers become mothers almost as birthright. They too were raised by someone other their biological mother more than likely their grandmother –so it is expected.  It is expected for the child of a fifteen year old to be raised by someone else, someone older and more experienced in raising children.  It is a cycle that is continuous, grandmother (mother) will likely raise several children of her children – whoa, I know this is confusing but it is the cycle of life – Polly is now eighteen and she wants another baby, Polly is not married, Polly may not even have a special man in her life but Polly does have a soft spot for babies and Polly’s grandmother/mother is there to raise a wee one, yet again.