My sons are thirteen and sixteen

My youngest son is thirteen and I want to be my youngest son. On his thirteenth birthday, he received an Apple 4G Smart IPhone from his father. On his phone, he can access the Internet, send and retrieve emails and he has downloaded one hundred apps and five hundred songs from iTunes with his Bar Mitzvah money. My phone is stupid.

My son's orange headphones, Beats by Dr. Dre, cost $300 and rival the best sound systems in the world. All the famous rap musicians and NBA players have them or a model is named after them. My son's model is named for his idol, LeBron James, star player for the Miami Heat, and he bought them with his Bar Mitzvah money. He begrudgingly  let me borrow his LeBron James Beats (and let me tell you, they are pretty sweet) after saying that if I broke them, I better have my credit card ready. I don't have headphones for my five year old no-longer-made iTouch, because my son took them to use with his 4G Apple IPhone before he got his Beats by Dr. Dre.

My son's favorite color is orange. He has drawers full of orange Adidas, Nike, Under Armour and Patagonia jackets and pullovers. Most of the jackets and pullovers, and a bunch of really cool basketball shorts and sweatpants, are fleece and/or have super powers. Although my fleece Patagonia jacket is pretty cool (lavender with teal trim), it doesn't have a single bell or whistle, and the zipper is broken. I have had the jacket for twenty five years.

My other son is sixteen.  I also want to be my other son. My oldest son, when he got his driver's license, immediately was given his father's 2010 Saab with heated seats, satellite radio, a built in DVD and navigation system, hands-free phone, voice command everything, and it parks itself. I drive a manual everything 2005 PT Cruiser. I am thankful for the dents in my front fender and rear right side due to the sober, yet still sobering, run-ins with my garage because there are a lot of Silver PT Cruisers out there and I can always spot mine. I also wanted to be my oldest son when he was thirteen, because he got some pretty cool stuff with his Bar Mitzvah money too.